EtcEtc : Indian traffic rules for dummies - a survival guide
I am in the process of writing a book called 'Indian traffic for dummies'. I will publish here some sneek previews, in parts, into some of the traffic rules of India, which have been codified for the first time in writing1. Cattle, Elephants, Camels, Donkeys, Pigs, Dogs, Cats have the first right of way on Indian roads. Human beings come second. Vehicles third.
2.When crossing the road-Yes, do look left and then to your right. That's what they taught you in school, didn't they? But after doing the aforementioned, don't forget to look back, look ahead and in all other sundry directions. You may also need to look UP, in some situations (no kidding).
3. If a buffalo cart, or stray cattle decide to brake, count till 100 (or more), wait till the few hundred crore gods in their bodies decide you can pass and don't forget to touch the cattle and smear your forehead with some delicious dung on your forehead, as a blessing.
4. My favourite trick while passing any four wheeler vehicle parked on the side of the road, is to look at the little space visible from down its wheels, while passing the vehicle, for tell tale signs of the feet of any passer by, who is determined to commit suicide by crossing the road without following rule no 1., above.
I started following this procedure after knocking down a small kid who did precisely this and whose bone I had the privilege of watching come out from near his elbow.
5. If you see a woman driving within 20 feet of you, all your (driving) senses need to be on guard. Remember, if you ram into her (vehicle) you will be beaten black and blue by an angry mob, but if she does the same, all you will get is a "Ohhh, I am sooo sorryyy" from her, which you might as well shove up your sorry ass and drive off.
To be Contd.
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3. If a buffalo cart, or stray cattle decide to brake, count till 100 (or more), wait till the few hundred crore gods in their bodies decide you can pass and don't forget to touch the cattle and smear your forehead with some delicious dung on your forehead, as a blessing.
4. My favourite trick while passing any four wheeler vehicle parked on the side of the road, is to look at the little space visible from down its wheels, while passing the vehicle, for tell tale signs of the feet of any passer by, who is determined to commit suicide by crossing the road without following rule no 1., above.
I started following this procedure after knocking down a small kid who did precisely this and whose bone I had the privilege of watching come out from near his elbow.
5. If you see a woman driving within 20 feet of you, all your (driving) senses need to be on guard. Remember, if you ram into her (vehicle) you will be beaten black and blue by an angry mob, but if she does the same, all you will get is a "Ohhh, I am sooo sorryyy" from her, which you might as well shove up your sorry ass and drive off.
To be Contd.
